Monday, August 6, 2012

Limericks from The Lure of the Limerick.

Once out on the lake and Dubuque
A girl took a sale with a duque
    He remarked, "I am sure
    You are honest and pure'-
And then leaned far over to puque.
There was a young lady of Florence
Who for kissing professed great abhorrence;
    But when she'd been kissed
    And found what she'd missed,
She cried till the tears came in torrents.
Concerning the bees and the flowers
In the fields and the gardens and bowers,
    You will note at a glace
    That their ways of romance
Haven't any resemblance to ours.
A reckless young man from Fort Blainy
Made love to a spinster named Janie.
    When his friends said, 'Oh, dear,
    She's so old and so queer,'
He replied, 'But the day was so rainy!'
A publisher once when to France
In search of a tale of romance;
    A Parisian lady
    Told a story so shady
That the publisher made an advance.
There was a young priest name Delaney
Who said to the girls, "Nota bene,
    'Twould tempt the archbishop
    The way that you swish up
Your skirts when the weather is rainy.'
There was a young man with a hernia
Who said to his doctor, 'Goldernia,
    When improving my middle
    Be sure you don't fiddle
With matters that do not concernia.'
A sleeper from Amazon
Put nighties of his gra'mazon-
    The reason: That
    He was too fat
To get his own pajamazon.
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
    Not a murmur was heard,
    Not a sound, not a word,
But the fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
There was young fellow named Sydney,
Who drank till he ruined his kidney.
    It shriveled and shrank
    As he sat there and drank,
But he had a good time at it, didn't he?